Exclamation Point to His Beloved Question Mark
i have always been a little too much for everything;
summoned amidst overwhelming pain and neverending grudge,
a mere intensity that’s forever against the creme de la creme world,
magical twinkle in sparkling cackle are at bottom fanciful—
i am but a favor in weighing fervor for unwanted belabor.
pummeled down to my being are only extreme bits of feelings,
leaving me pondering to why it seemed blitz of only fury,
when truly my aim is simply a delivery of kept words in my depth—
strongly felt but keenly concealed overflowing emotions,
forever misunderstood as none has ever been conveyed clearly,
none has truly been entertained and pacified.
thus your presence being extraordinary while positioned next to me,
you are unlike every other—
you never attempted an end after a line from me,
never interrupted my words in its course,
not a moment of pause from afar after i express my thought,
nor definition of who i am in any sense.
you’re one that stayed close amidst my complex mixed sensations,
one that helped me reply to listen rather than listen to reply,
there then i learned to express myself not just to be understood but to understand,
there with you, statements were bound to be considered—
no longer tied to imaginary limitation of vexatious intensity,
not anymore filled with only misunderstood ruptures beyond other’s capacity.
by your side, though drenched in overflowing emotions of my own,
i acknowledge the yearned for responses to my opinion,
now that i claim that understanding too is my aim,
i may encounter something better,
know something beautiful, learn something good
and be something utterly different all with you.
v.xii.xxi